Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I have an exciting new offer for you!
An offer that's so very exciting that I know you cannot say no!!!
***For a limited time only, I want to buy your soul!!! ***
Now don't get frightened until you've heard the details of this fabulous
new offer -I'm paying top prices! And if you act now, in exchange for
your soul, just look at all the beautiful prizes you'll receive.
You'll get a new Hi-Fi Stereo
System! A Clock Radio! A 25" Color
TV!! An entire new wardrobe with
all the latest fashions! A new Toyota
Minivan with a full tank of gas!!!
(seats 8!), A Shower Massage with
Rotating Head! A new Credit Card
featuring the classic rock superstars
'Kiss'!, A VCR! A new High Speed
Computer System! The complete
Bon Jovi Compact Disc collection!!!
A beautiful Microwave Oven with
Spinning Rotisserie! The Popeil
Pocket Fisherman! Great Sex with
beautiful partners of your choice!!
Free Movie Tix! Night Club Adventures! Attractive Friends! More
sex!!! Instant Popularity! More Sex!!! Fun! Fun! Fun!!! Sex! Sex! Sex!
Plus if you act now! For a limited time you'll also receive -
A Pocket Calculator, 20 Ginsu Knives, a personally autographed picture
of Darius Rucker, A Wireless Telephone, Free Phone Sex, a Pinball
Machine, Free Sex, 324 Channels of Cable TV, A snow white Shit-zu
named 'Koko,' plus Sex! Sex! Sex! and much, much, more...
And here's the best part!
All you have to do is this - look in the help wanted ads, or hurry out
to your local employment office, and get a 40 hour a week job in a
factory or office. It must be work doing something that is totally
meaningless to you. Preferably making money for a corporate fat cat.
Then with your paycheck buy all the things listed above! Yes, it's as
easy as that! Then after you've settled in, I'll come and take your soul.
I'll do it slowly, bit by bit, so you'll never even notice it's gone.
You'll be too busy to even care.
It's true that at times you might wonder if your life is passing before
your eyes as the best part of your time and energy are sucked away for
economic slavery. Perhaps, in quiet moments, your life might seem
meaningless. But what the hell, it's a small price to pay for all the
great stuff you'll receive from this generous offer. Besides, spirituality
is a greatly overrated thing in my book. Absolutely Passe! So just don't
even think about it. You'll have a million mindless diversions to keep
yourself from looking inward. Just enjoy your goodies and do your work
with a vacant, obedient smile.
See you in hell.
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